


once kissed, twice shy

by to-a-merrier-world (wayward_wolves)



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Canonical Character Death, First Kiss, First Love, Fluff, M/M, Pre-Canon, Pseudo-Incest, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 00:08:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18457445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wayward_wolves/pseuds/to-a-merrier-world
Summary: Once, Klaus reached over and wiped his thumb across Ben’s cheek, a soft smile on his face.“Icing, on your cheek,” he explained before turning back to the waitress he’d been charming with wild and improbable stories.Ben dug his fingernails into his palms, desperately trying to keep from reacting. It was late. He could tell from the way his eyes had started drooping over an hour ago, so he knew he probably shouldn’t trust anything he thought right now.He definitely shouldn’t wonder if Klaus had had to squash the urge not to lick the icing off Ben’s face. If Klaus wanted to hold Ben’s hand under the table. If Klaus wanted Ben in all the ways Ben wanted Klaus.This was why he didn’t like staying up late. It led to crazy, impossible thoughts.--Translated into Korean: Link in Notes





	once kissed, twice shy

**Author's Note:**

> this was inspired by @xtrippingfairydustx's post on tumblr, which made me super angsty so I wrote this lol
> 
> hope y'all enjoy! :)  
> \---  
> Translation into Korean (by jam_646): http://posty.pe/3qk9s9

Ben rolled a rock around under his shoe and anxiously glanced up and down the street.

Klaus was late.

It wasn’t unusual, Klaus was late for things all the time. But he’d promised Ben he would show up, on time and sober. Ben already wasn’t getting one of those things and he was pretty sure he wasn’t going to get the other either. He knew, though, that he’d probably suck it up and forgive Klaus for it in the end, just like he always did.

Assuming, of course, that Klaus showed up at all. If he didn’t, Ben would have no problem being pissed at him. Being late and high were one thing. Not showing up at all? That hurt.

Ben glanced back at the museum behind him, straightening his tie for the tenth time. The museum was having a special opening night for their new exhibit donated by the Entomological Society of America. There were going to be so many rare species of insects on display, Ben nearly had a conniption when he saw the ad in a magazine.

Klaus had, of course, teased him mercilessly about his love for bugs, but had also promised to go with him to the exhibit. Ben was never great with crowds, and had been really pleased in the moment when Klaus offered. He always did better when one of his siblings were there with him.

Or, well. Usually Klaus or Diego. Allison and Luther weren’t very good at getting him to calm down, and he and Vanya just weren’t that close.

Now, however, he was beginning to think he might just have to go back home, despite coming all this way. He’d have to wait until the excitement around the new exhibit died down more and there were fewer people.

Ben stared at the entrance, face blank but mind twisting and turning inside of him, just like his Horrors. He was lucky he was better at controlling them than he was at controlling his thoughts.

Where was Klaus? What if he was wrong this one time and something happened to him? What if he was hurt?

Ben shook his head. No, he was probably high or drunk somewhere and had completely forgotten about his promise. Ben had stopped being surprised by that a while ago, but disappointment still burned down his throat.

He checked his watch. Klaus was officially 40 minutes late. The knowledge that he wasn’t coming sat heavily in Ben’s stomach, and he sighed, turning away from the museum with a final wistful look.

He’d come back in two weeks. It wouldn’t be the same, but it would still be a cool exhibit.

He’d only gone about 10 feet when the sound of feet running on pavement came rushing towards him. He turned and only barely caught Klaus as he ran directly into him.

“Klaus?”

“Oh, god, I hate running,” Klaus panted against his neck, hot and damp.

Ben felt heat begin to rise to his cheeks and pushed him off, forcing his anger to take center stage, despite his happiness that Klaus was here.

“You’re late,” he said sternly.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” Klaus sighed, running a hand through his unruly hair and taking a step back, finally giving Ben a good view of all six lanky feet of him.

Klaus was wearing fitted, dark grey pants with the legs rolled up over his bare ankles, a black sleeveless crop-top that Ben was pretty sure belonged to Allison, and a shawl draped around his shoulders that was designed to look like butterfly wings. He had glittery eye makeup on and Ben was pretty sure he was wearing lip gloss or something, because no way were his lips naturally so pink and soft looking. And... he was beautiful.

And Ben was never more thankful for his ability to keep a straight face.

“Why were you late,” Ben said.

“I know what you’re thinking, but I’m 100% drug and alcohol free right now, baby. Going on twenty-fo... twenty-two hours sober.”

“... Really,” Ben said doubtfully.

“Hey! I promised you, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, and you’ve broken promises before,” Ben replied. He felt harsh saying it, but it was true. And he wasn’t really one for softening the blow.

Klaus scoffed, but the look on his face clearly said that Ben’s words had stung.

“Well, not this time.”

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?”

Klaus made a frustrated noise. “Why are you harping on this? I’m already late, can’t we just go see the bugs now?”

“I don’t want to go in there with you if you’re high,” Ben replied. He felt pressure begin to build behind his ears, and while he really didn’t want this to devolve into yet another fight about Klaus’s substance problems, he also wasn’t about to back down from this.

“Fine! What do you want me to do to prove it to you? I can’t exactly take a drug test.” Klaus crossed his arms defensively.

“Swear it. Swear on something so important to you that I know you’re telling the truth.”

Klaus scrunched his face up. Ben wondered if Klaus would even have something to swear on... Despite his love for collecting as much stuff as possible, he really wasn’t all that attached to anything he owned. Except...

Klaus uncrossed his arms and held up his right hand, which had the ‘hello’ of his ridiculous ouija board tattoos he’d gotten on their 18th birthday seven months ago.

“Fine. I swear to you, Benjamin ‘Six’ Hargreeves, that I have had no alcohol or drugs in the past twenty-two hours, and should I be lying, you can burn my favorite skirt to ash.”

Ben swallowed. “The one I secretly got you for our 16th birthday?”

Klaus smiled. “Yes, the one you secretly got me for our 16th birthday.”

Ben’s lips twitched up and he looked down at his feet, pleased.

“I believe you,” he said.

Klaus grinned at him, wide and happy. “So, we can go in the bug museum now?”

Ben rolled his eyes, turning to lead the way towards the museum. “It’s a natural history museum, not a ‘bug museum.’”

“But are we or are we not here to sate your weird hard on for exotic bugs?” Klaus replied, coming up beside him and linking their arms.

Ben glanced down at Klaus’s arm around his, but didn’t comment. “I do not have a ‘hard on’ for bugs, Klaus. It’s called an academic interest.”

“So, a smart person hard on. A brain hard on. An intellectual boner.”

Ben couldn’t fight back his laugh this time. “Oh, my god. Please say that to Luther about astronomy someday, I have to see his face.”

Klaus laughed, delighted. “Oh, Luther and his love for stars.”

Klaus winked exaggeratedly at Ben, as if Ben wouldn’t have gotten his double entendre otherwise.

“Okay, I changed my mind, I don’t want to talk about Luther’s sexual preferences.”

Klaus opened his mouth, a manic glint in his eyes, and Ben covered his mouth with his hand.

“No, Klaus.”

Klaus rolled his eyes, but when he looked like he was letting it go, Ben removed his hand.

They made their way up the steps to the front entrance, walking up to the woman collecting tickets. Ben watched as her mouth tightened at the sight of them, her eyes looking Klaus up and down and pausing on their linked arms.

He quickly thrust their tickets forward and into her hand, raising an eyebrow as though to say ‘you got a problem?’

She pasted on a customer service smile and welcomed them to the museum, quickly moving on to the people behind them. Ben twitched, wanting to say something but not wanting to make it into a Thing and ruin the night.

He glanced at Klaus, but he looked completely unaffected by the woman’s look, instead looking around the fancily decorated museum with delight. He watched as a waiter walked by with a tray of champagne glasses, Klaus’s hand twitching toward it before retreating.

He purposefully pulled Ben further into the museum instead, and Ben couldn’t suppress his grin as they bee-lined straight for the exhibit. Klaus came to a stop at the entrance and twirled around to face Ben.

“Alright, Bug Boy. Dazzle me,” Klaus said, grinning widely.

Ben rolled his eyes, but couldn’t stop himself from taking quick steps forward to the first exhibit case, eyes lighting up in excitement. Finally, finally, he was getting to see the exhibit he’d been looking forward to for weeks. And Klaus was here, and sober, and had just turned down free alcohol right in front of him.

Ben’s night was just getting better and better.

He started talking about every specimen they came across, excitedly detailing everything unique about them and how they were discovered. It was only after about half an hour of this that Ben realized Klaus wasn’t listening anymore and was instead staring off into space.

“I’m boring you,” Ben sighed.

Klaus’s head jerked up and he looked at Ben with wide eyes.

“What? No, I’m not bored, I’m listening,” he said in a rush.

Ben gave him a look, and after only a moment Klaus broke.

“Okay, fine, I’m bored out of my fucking mind. I’m sorry! Bugs just aren’t my thing, but they’re your thing, so I’ll try harder to be interested.”

Ben felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest.

“Klaus, you don’t have to like the things I like. You came, that’s all I wanted. And anyways,” Ben said, reaching a hand into his jacket. “I figured you’d get bored, so I came prepared.”

Klaus gasped. “My walkman!”

He grabbed it out of Ben’s hand and held it to his chest. He looked at Ben with bright eyes for a long moment before throwing his arms around his shoulders and holding him tight.

"You’re the best,” Klaus whispered into Ben’s hair.

Ben didn’t even have time to return the embrace when Klaus was pulling back, grinning down at the walkman in his hands. Warmth spread through Ben as he watched Klaus slip the headphones over his ears and hit play. His eyes fluttered shut in contentment, his head already beginning to sway to the music.

Ben turned back to the display case, pleased that his idea to bring the walkman along was met with such enthusiasm. He moved over a few feet to the next exhibit, grabbing hold of Klaus’s shawl so he’d follow.

While Ben was engrossed in reading the display’s plaque, Klaus slipped his hand into Ben’s, lacing their fingers together. Ben froze for a moment, processing, before he relaxed, a small smile lifting the corners of his lips.

Yeah, this was definitely shaping up to be one of the best nights ever.

\---

They went to Griddy’s, after. Ben got a jelly glazed and Klaus got a double chocolate.

They didn’t really go to Griddy’s anymore, not as a group. But Ben knew Allison and Luther liked to sneak out and come here. And that Diego would sometimes come on his own and bring back donuts for Ben and Klaus.

Not that he’d ever admit to it. Their favorite donuts would just appear some morning’s right inside their bedrooms, with no note or anything to indicate who did it. But who else would sneak out to get Ben and Klaus donuts, right after one or both of them had had a bad day? Ben knew his siblings, and Diego had always been softer than he liked to let on.

They lost track of time in Griddy’s, laughing and acting like normal teenagers. Or what Ben supposed normal teenagers acted like.

Once, Klaus reached over and wiped his thumb across Ben’s cheek, a soft smile on his face.

“Icing, on your cheek,” he explained before turning back to the waitress he’d been charming with wild and improbable stories.

Ben dug his fingernails into his palms, desperately trying to keep from reacting. It was late. He could tell from the way his eyes had started drooping over an hour ago, so he knew he probably shouldn’t trust anything he thought right now.

He definitely shouldn’t wonder if Klaus had had to squash the urge not to lick the icing off Ben’s face. If Klaus wanted to hold Ben’s hand under the table. If Klaus wanted Ben in all the ways Ben wanted Klaus.

This was why he didn’t like staying up late. It led to crazy, impossible thoughts.

By the time they left Griddy’s and reached the Academy’s front doors, Ben was honestly nervous about getting into trouble with Dad. He wasn’t usually one for staying out late, and he was worried Dad would think Klaus was being a bad influence on him. The last thing this wonderful night needed was Dad yelling at them for being irresponsible.

He pushed the door open as quietly as he could, shushing Klaus behind him when he giggled.

“What are you so worried about, he’ll just think it’s me coming home late and ignore it, like always,” Klaus said in a stage whisper, ignoring Ben’s annoyed look.

“He might come and look, though,” Ben reasoned.

Klaus rolled his eyes and pushed past Ben into the foyer, shoes slapping against the floor and seeming to echo loudly in the silence. He stopped in the middle and turned towards Ben, lifting his arms up as though to say ‘see?’

Ben glared as he quietly closed the front door and moved on silent feet across the foyer, past Klaus, and up the stairs. He heard Klaus scramble after him, wincing every time his feet landed on a squeaky section of the stairs.

Klaus laughed at the face Ben made, and Ben elbowed him hard in the side.

“Shut up!” He whispered.

Klaus suddenly leaned directly into Ben’s space, bringing his lips millimeters away from his ear. Ben froze.

“Make me,” Klaus whispered, closing the last of the distance and biting Ben’s ear.

Ben yelped, slapping a hand over his mouth afterwards. Klaus jerked away and ran up the remaining stairs, laughing loudly.

“Klaus!” Ben whisper-yelled, taking off after him, noise be damned.

He caught up with Klaus in the hallway where all their bedrooms were located, grabbing hold of his wrist with an iron grip. Klaus was grinning and breathless, and Ben wasn’t sure if he was angry or just embarrassed.

What the hell was Klaus playing at? Sure, he’d flirt with anything that moved--including all his siblings and even Dr. Pogo on one memorable and extremely awkward occasion--but he’d never taken things this far before. Not with Ben.

“Klaus,” he said, fingers tightening around his wrist. “What...”

They both froze at the sound of footsteps on the stairs. They stared at each other with wide eyes before they both jumped into action, rushing into the closest room with an unlocked door.

Ben pulled his bedroom’s door open, pulling Klaus inside and closing the door as quickly and quietly as he could manage. He backed away slowly until he bumped into Klaus, whose hands came up to hold onto Ben’s shoulders.

They stood together in the dark, staring at the door in silence, waiting with bated breath for whatever was to come next. After an agonizing minute of nothing, they both relaxed and sighed with relief.

Ben turned around to tell Klaus he’d told him so about getting caught, but the moment they were facing each other, the words died in Ben’s throat.

They were standing so close that Ben had to tilt his head up slightly to look Klaus in the face. So close he could feel the brush of Klaus’s shawl as it slide down his arms and onto the floor.

“Ben...” Klaus started, then stopped.

It was the darkness, Ben reasoned. It was the late hour. It was Klaus just being Klaus.

It was nothing.

Klaus leaned forward until all Ben could see was him.

“Tell me to stop...” Klaus whispered.

Ben didn’t think he was capable of stopping Klaus from doing anything.

Klaus’s lips brushed against his, and he didn’t dare to move or even breathe for fear of him stopping.

This was, apparently, the wrong thing to do, because after a few seconds, Klaus pulled away, a disappointed look on his face.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have—”

Ben didn’t let him finish, pushing himself up onto his tiptoes and crashing their lips together. Their teeth banged into each other and they both groaned.

“Sorry, I—” Ben started.

“No, it’s okay,” Klaus replied.

They stared at each other for a long moment, neither saying nor doing anything.

“I just kissed you,” Klaus said.

“I just kissed you, too,” Ben replied.

“You kinda failed at it, though.”

Ben made an offended noise. “It was an accident.”

“It felt like a head butt,” Klaus replied, grinning.

“ _Klaus_ ,” Ben said, and he refused to acknowledge that it definitely sounded like a whine.

Klaus laughed, bringing his hands up and grabbing onto the front of Ben’s jacket. He used his grip to pull Ben forward.

“Try again,” Klaus whispered, his breath fanning over Ben’s face.

Ben’s breath hitched, but he was determined to do it right this time. He leaned forward—slowly—until his lips were brushing Klaus’s. Klaus turned his head and pressed forward, adding pressure to the kiss.

Ben reached up and grabbed onto Klaus’s arms, in desperate need of something to anchor himself. He felt like he was being swept away, like everything was too much, and that was never, _ever_ a good thing where he was concerned.

Ben wasn’t sure if he was doing this right. Was he supposed to be moving more? Pressing harder? Or easing up? He didn’t know what he was doing, he’d never kissed anyone before.

Oh, god, this was his first kiss.

Klaus pulled away. “I can feel you thinking too hard.”

Ben looked up at him and didn’t know how to explain all the feelings roiling inside him.

“Klaus, what are we doing?”

“Kissing,” Klaus replied, like it was obvious.

“No, what are we _doing?_ ”

Klaus was quiet for a long moment. “Do you not want to—”

“I didn’t say that,” Ben replied hastily.

Klaus grunted in frustration. “Then what are you saying, Ben? I can’t read your mind.”

“I don’t know what we’re doing,” Ben said, his heart thundering in his chest. “I don’t know what it means. For us.”

Understanding seemed to dawn on Klaus’s face.

“It… it doesn’t have to mean anything, if we don’t want it to.”

For the second time that night, Ben was thankful for his flawless poker face. Klaus’s words hurt. He _wanted_ this to mean something, desperately. And nothing stung quiet like rejection.

But he didn’t want Klaus to know. He never wanted Klaus to know about his unrequited feelings. And he really, really wanted Klaus to kiss him again.

Just one more time. Even if it hurt.

One more kiss was all he needed.

“Okay,” Ben said, and leaned forward to claim another kiss.

Klaus kissed him back, bringing his hands up to cradle Ben’s face. Ben’s hands tightened around his wrists as he tried to remember every detail of this very moment.

It was like sunshine, Ben thought. It was like a sunrise. It was Klaus, in all the ways Ben loved him.

It was everything.

And then it was over.

Klaus pulled away, the two of them breathing hard from the kiss. He smiled when he glanced at Ben, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

“We should go to bed,” Ben said.

Klaus nodded and took a step back.

“Yeah, yeah,” he agreed. He bent down to pick up his shawl, grin never leaving his face.

“See you tomorrow morning,” he said, docking in and pecking Ben on the cheek.

Ben watched him open his door and walk to his own room. He stepped forward and closed the door, leaning forward and resting his head against it.

He could tell Klaus would want to do this again. He could also tell that he would definitely let him.

Ben huffed, pressing his forehead even harder against his door.

He was such an idiot.

\---

The next morning wasn’t any different from any other morning at the Academy. Nothing had changed, despite all that had transpired the night before.

Ben found a small bit of comfort in that.

After a silent breakfast, Dad pulled Ben and Luther to the side. He had a mission for them, one that wasn’t serious enough to require the whole Academy.

Something twisted in Ben’s gut while he was gearing up in his room. He wasn’t sure why.

“Where are you going?” Klaus asked, leaning against Ben’s bedroom doorframe.

“Mission,” Ben replied, searching for his mask.

How did he always lose his mask?

“Alone?”

Ben shook his head, opening his drawers and searching them one-by-one.

“Luther’s coming, too.”

Aha! He found his mask buried in his tie drawer. Why it was there, he had no idea, but he grabbed it and slipped it onto his face with the ease of familiarity.

When he turned back around, Klaus was still standing there, watching him. They stood there, staring at each other until finally Ben shook himself out of it and made his way out of the room.

Klaus grabbed his sleeve as he passed, bringing him to a stop.

“Be careful,” Klaus said before letting go.

Ben nodded, and then turned away and left, clattering down the stairs to meet Luther.

It was just a mission, not even a serious one. He didn’t know what Klaus was worried about.

Everything was going to be fine.

\---

He became aware of the world again two months after his death. He only knew what day it was because of Dad’s newspaper, which he read at breakfast like nothing was different.

Like nothing was wrong.

Luther and Allison kept making sad, pained expressions at each other across the table. Diego would glance from one empty chair to the next, darting from Five’s chair to Klaus’s to Ben’s. Vanya stared at her plate, eyes unseeing and mind lost to the world.

Ben didn’t want to stay here, so he left in search of Klaus. He looked all over the house, but couldn’t find him. Finally, he decided to check the courtyard, just in case.

He was surprised to find a statue in the yard when he passed through the door. He wandered closer and jerked in surprise when he saw it was of him. He glanced down, spotting the plaque at statue him’s feet.

“May the darkness within you find peace in the light.”

He instantly hated it.

He heard muttering behind him and turned to find Klaus kneeling on the ground, his back to Ben. Ben approached him slowly, not wanting to be noticed.

What was Klaus doing?

Once close enough, Ben could see that Klaus was trying to get a lighter to catch, cursing every time it sparked but didn’t make a flame. On the ground in front of him was a small pile of clothing, which Ben recognized instantly.

It was the skirt Ben had given Klaus. Klaus’s self-purported favorite.

Ben had bought it because he’d thought Klaus would like it. Dad didn’t like the way Klaus chose to dress himself, especially when he wore feminine clothing. So buying a skirt specifically for his brother had felt daring and rebellious to Ben.

He’d given it to Klaus in secret, after their “official” birthday celebration, curtesy of Grace. Klaus had thrown himself into Ben’s arms in his excitement.

And now he was lighting it on fire.

Ben watched in silent horror as Klaus finally got the lighter to catch and brought the flame to meet the skirt’s fabric. Klaus fell back and watched as the fire spread across the fabric, acrid smoke catching in the wind.

Ben stared at the fire for a long moment before turning his eyes to Klaus. His eyes looked empty, and there was no satisfaction in his expression, unlike all the other times he’d set things on fire.

He looked… lost.

“That’s it,” Klaus whispered, making Ben jump.

But he didn’t look at Ben, didn’t even seem to notice he was there.

“I’m done.”

With that, Klaus stumbled to his feet, clearly intoxicated. Ben followed after him as he pushed into the house and gracelessly climbed the stairs. Ben followed him to his room, where he carelessly stuffed his possessions into a backpack, along with several items that Ben recognized from Dad’s study.

Ben followed Klaus as he left his room, not bothering to close the door.

Klaus stumbled back down the stairs, across the foyer, and out the front door. He didn’t look back.

Ben followed him, anyways.

\---

Ben trailed after Klaus for years, and he’d seen him kiss hundreds of different people in various states of intoxication.

He never once saw him kiss someone sober.

It was a terrible thing for him to be pleased about, but he figured he was allowed terrible things since he was dead and all.

Klaus had been his first kiss, and his last.

His first, his last, his only.

And as much as he hated watching his brother slowly fall into ruin, he knew he’d never leave, that he’d keep following him to the ends of the earth.

Just like he’d keep loving him.

Even when he hated what he did, even when he thought he was selfish and cruel and he wanted to punch him in the face.

He’d always love Klaus.

Always.

**Author's Note:**

> leave a kudo or comment if you enjoyed!
> 
> also, if you're curious, [this](https://i.etsystatic.com/14285151/c/615/488/0/299/il/1bc24a/1824435303/il_340x270.1824435303_ds5e.jpg) is what the skirt looks like. maybe not the fanciest skirt, but Ben thought it would look nice :`)


End file.
